Why What Matters Most Isn’t Fixed - And How to Rethink Your Priorities When You Change
AIDAS BENDORAITIS / DECEMBER 25, 2025
Self-Awareness, Life, Prioritization, Meaning of Life, Success, Goals, Psychology
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Introduction
Most productivity advice assumes something quietly but strongly: that what matters to you is stable.
Set your goals. Define your values. Optimize your time.
But real life doesn’t work like that.
People go through transitions. Sometimes dramatic, sometimes subtle. A new role, a loss, burnout, success, becoming a parent, starting or ending a project, or simply waking up one day and realizing that yesterday’s priorities no longer feel right.
Bruce Feiler, in Life Is in the Transitions, offers a helpful lens for understanding this. He describes three main sources of meaning that shape how we experience life: Agency, Belonging, and Cause. At different times, one of them tends to dominate. When that happens, what "good prioritization" looks like changes too.
This article explores how priorities shift when your main source of meaning shifts, and how to rethink your criteria instead of blaming yourself for "losing focus".
Meaning first, priorities second
We often try to fix prioritization at the surface level. Better tools. Better systems. Better discipline.
But priorities are downstream from meaning.
If your inner question changes from "What do I want to build?" to "Who do I belong with?" or "What is worth serving?", then your old prioritization logic will feel wrong, even if it used to work well.
This is not a failure. It’s a signal.
Let’s look at each source of meaning and how it reshapes prioritization criteria.
When Agency is central: prioritizing self-direction and growth
Agency is about autonomy, authorship, and the feeling that your actions matter. It’s strong during phases of building, learning, and reclaiming control.
People oriented toward agency often feel most alive when they are choosing, creating, and improving.
How prioritization changes in an Agency phase
Activities feel important when they increase freedom and capability. Tasks that reduce autonomy or feel imposed tend to drain energy, even if they look "useful" on paper.
Typical prioritization criteria in an Agency phase include:
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Autonomy Does this activity give me more control over my time, direction, or decisions?
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Skill growth Will this help me learn, improve, or master something meaningful?
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Personal leverage Does this create future options, opportunities, or independence?
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Creative ownership Am I shaping something that feels like mine?
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Momentum Does this move my personal trajectory forward, even in small steps?
What this looks like in real life
You might prioritize:
- Learning a new tool or technology
- Starting a side project
- Redesigning how you work
- Saying no to meetings that dilute focus
And deprioritize:
- Obligations that offer no learning or choice
- Maintenance tasks that feel stagnant
- Projects where you have no voice
Common tension
Agency-driven prioritization can slowly crowd out relationships and rest. If everything is about progress, connection may start to feel like a distraction rather than nourishment.
That’s often a sign that another source of meaning is starting to ask for space.
When Belonging is central: prioritizing connection and presence
Belonging is about being seen, supported, and part of something larger than yourself, but still close and human. It often becomes dominant during caregiving phases, recovery, or moments of reconnection.
Here, meaning comes less from achievement and more from shared experience.
How prioritization changes in a Belonging phase
Efficiency matters less. Presence matters more.
The question shifts from "Is this productive?" to "Does this strengthen connection?"
Typical prioritization criteria in a Belonging phase include:
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Relational depth Does this deepen trust, intimacy, or understanding with others?
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Shared time Does this create moments of togetherness, not just coordination?
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Emotional availability Am I able to show up fully, not just physically?
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Mutual support Does this allow giving and receiving help in a healthy way?
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Continuity Does this sustain relationships over time, not just one-off moments?
What this looks like in real life
You might prioritize:
- Regular time with family or close friends
- Team rituals and conversations
- Being available for someone who needs you
- Slowing down to listen rather than optimize
And deprioritize:
- Solo goals that isolate you
- Work that constantly pulls attention away
- Activities that fragment your presence
Common tension
People often feel guilty here. Like they are "not ambitious enough" or "wasting time". But the real issue is applying agency-based metrics to a belonging-based phase.
Connection does not scale the same way achievement does. That doesn’t make it less valuable.
When Cause is central: prioritizing purpose and impact
Cause is about contributing to something beyond yourself. It’s about values, service, and legacy. This source of meaning often becomes dominant after major life events, or when personal success no longer feels sufficient.
Here, the guiding question is "What is this for?"
How prioritization changes in a Cause phase
Short-term comfort may matter less than long-term impact. Personal preferences may take a back seat to mission alignment.
Typical prioritization criteria in a Cause phase include:
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Impact Who benefits from this, and how meaningfully?
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Value alignment Does this reflect what I stand for?
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Contribution Am I offering something that truly helps, not just performs?
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Sustainability Can this effort be maintained without destroying myself or others?
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Legacy Will this still matter beyond immediate results?
What this looks like in real life
You might prioritize:
- Mission-driven projects
- Mentoring or teaching
- Work with social or cultural impact
- Long-term initiatives with unclear short-term rewards
And deprioritize:
- High-reward but value-empty opportunities
- Projects that feel impressive but hollow
- Work that contradicts your ethics
Common tension
Cause-driven people often neglect themselves and their relationships. Burnout is common when impact becomes the only metric.
Cause works best when supported by enough agency and belonging to sustain it.
Why transitions make old priorities stop working
During transitions, people often say: "I know what I should do, but I don’t want to."
That’s usually not laziness or lack of discipline. It’s misalignment.
Your internal source of meaning may have shifted, but your prioritization criteria haven’t caught up yet.
Examples:
- Still prioritizing autonomy when you deeply need connection.
- Still optimizing efficiency when you crave purpose.
- Still serving a cause when you need to rebuild yourself.
Transitions invite a reweighting, not a rejection, of what mattered before.
A simple way to realign priorities with meaning
Instead of asking "What should I prioritize?", try this sequence:
1. Name your dominant source of meaning
Right now, what gives life its sense?
- Agency: growth, control, self-direction.
- Belonging: closeness, support, shared life.
- Cause: contribution, values, impact.
There is no correct answer. Only a current one.
2. Audit your activities
Look at your week and ask:
- Which activities serve my current source of meaning?
- Which actively work against it?
3. Adjust your criteria, not just your tasks
Don’t just add or remove tasks. Change how you evaluate them.
If meaning comes from Belonging, stop judging your week by output. If meaning comes from Agency, stop overcommitting to others. If meaning comes from Cause, stop chasing empty wins.
4. Keep it fluid
Meaning shifts again. That’s normal. Revisit this question regularly, not once a year.
Healthy balance, not permanent identity
Agency, Belonging, and Cause are not personality types. They are lenses.
Most lives include all three. Problems arise when one dominates too long, one is ignored completely, or old metrics are applied to a new phase.
Good prioritization is not about fixing yourself. It’s about listening carefully to what your life is asking for now.
Closing thought
What matters most isn’t fixed because you aren’t fixed.
Prioritization works best when it follows meaning, not when it tries to override it. When you change, your criteria must change too. That’s not inconsistency. That’s responsiveness.
And often, that’s the most human form of wisdom.